While many people are happy to tell a caring listener what they are upset about. Sometimes, however, whether children – or adults – they may not want to share what they are really upset about. They want to feel better – yes – but they don’t want to talk about it. When I was at the residential program for children I often didn’t have the luxury of time or, the advantage of a long-term, ongoing relationship.
I’d explain EFT by demonstrating quickly how the points are in places that we naturally use: rub under our eyes, or scratch under our arms, or rub our chest or our forehead. If we tapped these same spots when we were upset we could probably feel even better. I would say something like:
You don’t have to tell me what happened. Things that happen to us are like movies in our head. Just share with me how long is your movie, how old you were, how upset you still are 0 to 10, and just one or two words for how it makes you feel. You don’t have to tell me anything else.
I only ask four questions. If the length was longer than 3 minutes I’d ask them to just find one scene in their movie that upset them and tell me how long that scene would be. I would then give them an example like: My movie happening lasted one minute, I was 8, I’m still upset about 9 and my one word would be angry.
The child (or adult) would say something like, Two minutes, I was 12, my upset is 9 and stupid.
I’d then lead them through one or more tapping sequences using their words, stopping occasionally to check the intensity and if the one or two words still fit. We would simply tap until it became a 0 or they were willing to talk about it and if so would adjust the wording to what they were sharing. When it was a zero, I’d “test” by asking them to run the movie again trying to make it bigger and more colorful and louder and see if it still bothered them. The reminder phrases were always simple. Such phrases as:
This 9 upset – With high numbers just tap an entire round or two with simply “this 9 upset”
I’m 8 years old
This stupid happening
I can see what happened
I can hear what happened
I can feel the feelings
Maybe I can even still taste the taste or smell the smells
I’m 8 years old
this 9 upset
I can still feel it
I can still see it
I can still hear it
this stupid happening
I’m just 8
This simple process mimics the EFT Movie Technique in which we educate the client to create a movie of his or her event and simply run it in his or her head stopping at any point of being upset. We encourage them to look at the aspects of what he or she sees, hears, feels, smells, tastes. We encourage them, too, to look at where they are, what they are doing, and who else is there – all without knowing the details.
Often after reducing the “movie” to a 0 the person is willing to share the story. Frequently, in telling the story more aspects or “hidden” details come out. However, sometimes the person does not want to tell the story. Or you may be working with a coworker or family member who doesn’t want you to know. That’s OK.
Later as they work through other events and issues in their life they may be willing to revisit the event; but if not – fine. We are there to serve our client; to meet their needs, to follow their lead. And, while we have no honest “need to know” what was handled as you “worked in the dark” be assured that you have at least shown some “light” on their issue.
